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Letting Go

Maybe it’s the broken piece that holds me back,
It is the same piece that pierced my soul
It is the same piece that left a hole
A hole that was emptied for so long ago
A hole left to be as numb as before
Perhaps it could be the stab at my back
The stab that broke my heart into half
Half, that I can’t rebuild it again
Half that I forgot how to forgive and be forgiven
But who am I to keep this wound
For I know it will heal and I’ll eventually feel good
For nothing is permanent in this cruel world
But to please allow me, to say this words
Pierced or stabbed
Half or whole
I am finally letting you and all this, go

My Here and Now

now is here and it’s what i breathe

the past is gone and a new day sees

sees the good and positive in me

now i can do it, be it and conquer it

 

here i stand, from the odds

changing and breaking free

taking those chances at hand and believes

 

i can do it, do it for one thing

do it because i want it not because i need it

do it cause it’s a chance, not because i seek vengeance

not because i have to prove something to anyone

not because i’m caring for ones reputation

but it’s because

i wanna do it and i can make it

 

now is here together with the stories behind me

wrapping them all, ignoring them all

moving on and taking steps forward

here’s what i do to be free and happy

 

i’m afraid to let go but it’s the least that i can do for myself

cast all those shadows from the past

give this day a blast

finish all those battles

believing i can do it and conquer it

 

Can it Be?

left in a room, with no one but me

gazing through the window pane

collecting all those pain

with no one but me

staring at the trees

seeing those birds fly as free

asking thyself can it be

with no one but me

can it be, i want it and need it to be

suddenly the light was dim

the colorful day turned into gray

with its warm breeze turned into chills

with no one but me

how can i froze this tears

how can i get rid of this fears

that only my mind sees

throughout the years

i hope someone hears

with no one but me

i hope someday they can see

those smiles in me

that finally i’m happy and free

with those pain behind me

with no one but me

i can be

 

 

The Thick Eyeglasses

she grew from a four-cornered hall

her face hidden on a thick eyeglasses

she seemed to be so timid and shy

as she grew and went to school, she was bullied

she ran after her teacher once a classmate would scold her

once a classmate would tell her she’s ugly

once a seatmate would throw her a piece of paper

and once a classmate would push her through the wall

it has never been as easy

arriving home, she tends to be…

beaming with smile acting it’s as if everything at school was fine

seeing her dad at the front door with a smile

dad, who has been her source of strength since then

she goes to school the other day

numb of all the name-names thrown on her

she tends to pretend that everything will be fine, got used to it and it’s as usual

years have passed, she grew into someone who is far from the timid little girl from the four corners

expanded her ways as she crossed boundaries

she mingled with different people

brought her thick eyeglasses on and the courage within, she was a big girl from then on 

just like the old days she hide her eyes from the worldliness

controlled her ears to filter the noise

taught her lips to speak a few

and equipped her heart to be brave

held the hands of those who understood

embraced those who trusted and believed in her

and turned her back to those who judge her

thou everything may have been as superficial, skeptical and rational

the girl from the four corners is still inside her

but then covered with a superficial mask to save her

to save her from the doubtful, the dishonest and the mischief 

she’s been through enough

but as she looks back

seeing her dad on the door smiling

ain’t no mischievousness can further destroy her

ain’t no rumor can crash her

and no one can ever treat her as a trash

cause she is saved, saved by his fathers smile 

all the while 

hidden or found, deep or superficial

saved and loved….

that keeps her going….

 

In Time

it’s been years, and i still can’t get through this tears

counting the months, and it’s been you that i can’t replace 

everyday, seemed to be a day anew

with this thoughts of you that’s been haunting my soul

in every hour, i can’t stop thinking of you, of where you are and what you’re going through 

with every minute of my life, am ought to spend it with this simple joy inside my head…

that i adore you, since then and till today, it’s true 

for a second i stumble, and asked myself to why i love you this harder

is it not better to just forget with ain’t no regret

and live a lovely life with ain’t no fret

in time, i believe I’ll seek all the answers

in due time, i’m ought to swallow all this and conquer

with this love I’ve created and falter 

that reigns inside of me forever

and in the right time, i will realize…

that all this time i was just a wanderer

The older the anger, the deeper

when I was young, I’m ought to be as tough 

courageous and brave enough, to face all roughs 

when I was young, I saw them all,

their cruel side and odd

those scenarios where everything seemed as wrong 

everything has lived inside my heart and my head for long 

now that I’m older 

did i became tougher 

was i that strong and bolder 

or was i the victim of my own anger

spare my thoughts

lift thy soul 

though I’ve tried to resist

to vanish and dismiss

all these musings, sentiments and or ease…

oh help me to forgive 

but most of, help me to forget

for i hate the feeling of regret

where i can’t even tell her 

that I’ve forgive her, or did i 

missed the chance to see her or just listen to her 

now that I’m older 

i just want my pride to falter 

and tell her that I’ve missed her or just thank her

after all,

i am only human

younger or even older 

i’m ought to surrender

i don’t want to suffer or thy emotion to ponder 

i just want to feel better

and be thrilled

free from this anger

and ready to forgive her 

Forgiveness beyond Success

success is not about attaining the highest achievement

but success is about molding thyself to become a better person

i may have tried a million challenges

succumb a million trials

conquered my each and every fear

but if i myself, can’t forgive nor can’t let go

i can’t merely move forward

i can’t merely go beyond

if only I’ve just learned how to forgive and to forget

if only I’ve learned how to leave out the past

if only I’ve molded my heart with joyous thoughts than sorrow

if only i was able to admit

if only i was able to let go 

if only i was able to love and trust myself

if only,

but now is here

and it’s all I’ve got

i may learn all of this little by little

but i know i’ll eventually get through it

like in my dreams

          a warrior, a cavalier, a soldier

i can win this battle

against me, against my pride, against my ego

i will surpass and eventually succeed

beyond any achievement and that is to forgive                                    

Naive

Call me crazy or naïve

But I’d rather live in grief than risk

To love again is to live again

And am ought to just falter and not bother

For I have learned to love once, only once

And for thee

It is the last

Call me crazy or naïve

Yet it is the truthfulness and vagueness of emotions that I feel

I have loved once

Was hurt, was happy, was torn

Yet am all up to is the reality of having that love for a long time

Within me, inside me even if nobody knows it but me

Call me crazy or naïve

But it’s the real deal

It’s everything that I feel

Even if it has made me ill

He will always be the man who am ought to love

With all thy will

And forever I will 

Cuts from those Lights

I’ve been hiding through those lights

that would’ve remind me of that night

when i met those strangers and conquered those fright

and started out those so-called friendship that ended with a fight

never did I imagine

to be feeling this hunger or famine

that I’d be expecting that they give my existence some sort of meaning

but nothing happened, i just got tired of expecting

and even lost that sense of respecting

rejecting, no form of reaching

for what they have against me is full of gossiping

everything misleading

almost deceiving

ain’t no reason for believing

just a pain that is fast approaching

piercing and bruising

cutting and far from  healing